


My Bayonetta Parapines Immortal

by Carliro



Category: Bayonetta (Video Games), Gravity Falls, ParaNorman (2012)
Genre: Canon Relationships, F/M, Love, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-08-14 07:06:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16488014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carliro/pseuds/Carliro
Summary: An old submission I forgot to put here for some reason. OH WELL!





	1. Crapter 1

AN: Special fangz (get it, cos Im umbra) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) jeanne, umbrantearz555 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Luka ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!  
Hi my name is Bayonetta Cereza and I have long ebony black hair (it covers my entire body) and icy gray eyes like limpid smoke and a lot of people tell me I look like Helena Taylor (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Cereza Rosa but I wish I was because she’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a witch but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a demon-summoner, and I go to a magic town called Vigrid in Europe where I’m not in the seventh year (I’m five hundred years old). I’m an umbra (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Vigrid. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of angels stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.  
“Hey Ebony!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Dipper Pines!  
“What’s up Dipper?” I asked.  
“Nothing.” he said shyly.  
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.  
AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!  
****  
AN: Fangz 2 umbrantearz555 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW angels stop flaming ma story ok!  
The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some lollipop syrup from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.  
My friend, Jeanne (AN: Jeanne dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length dove white hair with pink streaks and opened her mountain-gray eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)  
“OMFG, I saw you talking to Dipper Pines yesterday!” she said excitedly.  
“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.  
“Do you like Dipper?” she asked as we went out of the hotel apartment and into a cafe.  
“No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted.  
“Yeah right!” she exclaimed. Just then, Dipper walked up to me.  
“Hi.” he said.  
“Hi.” I replied flirtily.  
“Guess what.” he said.  
“What?” I asked.  
“Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Isla del Sol.” he told me.  
“Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.  
“Well…. do you want to go with me?” he asked.  
I gasped.  
****  
AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY ANGLES OK! odderwize fangs 2 da umbran ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN JEANE! oh yeah, BTW I don’t own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.  
On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn’t put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some manotaur blood so I was ready to go to the concert.  
I went outside. Dipper was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).  
“Hi Dipper!” I said in a depressed voice.  
“Hi Bayonetta.” he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.  
“You come in cold, you’re covered in blood  
They’re all so happy you’ve arrived  
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
She sets you free into this life.” sang Joel (I don’t own da lyrics 2 dat song).  
“Joel is so fucking hot.” I said to Dipper, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.  
Suddenly Dipper looked sad.  
“What’s wrong?” I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.  
“Hey, it’s ok I don’t like him better than YOU!” I said.  
“Really?” asked Dipper sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.  
“Really.” I said. “Besides I don’t even know Joel and he’s going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch.” I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.  
The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Dipper. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Dipper and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Dipper didn’t go back into Vigrid, instead he drove the car into… Gravity Falls!  
****  
AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony’s name is BNAYOETTA nut mary su OK! DIPPER IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!  
“DIPPER!” I shouted. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?”  
Dipper didn’t answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.  
“What the fucking hell?” I asked angrily.  
“Bayonetta?” he asked.  
“What?” I snapped.  
Dipper leaned in extra-close to my legs and I looked down into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore.  
And then… suddenly just as I Dipper jumped on me and kissed me passionately. Dipper climbed again on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.  
“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….  
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”  
It was….Mabel Pines!  
****  
AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a angel or a lumn sag! Da only reson Mabel Pins swor is coz she had a hedache ok an on tup of dat she wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!  
Mabel made and Dipper and I follow her. She kept shouting at us angrily.  
“You ludacris fools!” she shouted.  
I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Dipper comforted me. When we went back to the shack Mabel took us to Grunkle Stan and Soos who were both looking very angry.  
“They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!” she yelled in a furious voice.  
“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Soos.  
“How dare you?” demanded Grunkle Stan.  
And then Dipper shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HER!”  
Everyone was quiet. Mabel and Soos still looked mad but Grunkle Stan said. “Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.”  
Dipper and I went upstairs while the other characters glared at us.  
“Are you okay, Bayonetta?” Dipper asked me gently.  
“Yeah I guess.” I lied. I went to the girl’s room and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….  
Dipper was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing ‘I just wanna live’ by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn’t supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.  
****  
AN: shjt up angles ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!  
The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.  
In the cafe, I ate some Franken Berry cereal with lollipop syrup instead of milk, and a glass of red lollipop syrip. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the syrup spilled over my top.  
“Bastard!” I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked down cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He never had glasses and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Dipper’s and there was no scar on his forhead anymore, because there had never been one. He didn’t have a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy Massachusettian accent. He looked exactly like midget Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko.  
“I’m so sorry.” he said in a shy voice.  
“That’s all right. What’s your name?” I questioned.  
“My name’s Norman Babcock, although most people call me Vampire these days.” he grumbled.  
“Why?” I exclaimed.  
“Because I love the taste of human blood.” he giggled.  
“Well, I am an umbra witch.” I confessed.  
“Really?” he whimpered.  
“Yeah.” I roared.  
We sat down to talk for a while. Then Dipper came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.  
****  
AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Bayovetta isn’t a Marie Sue ok she isn’t perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!  
Dipper and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs in the shack. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Dipper. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Dipper. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…  
We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy’s thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)  
“Oh Dipper, Dipper!” I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Dipper’s arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire!  
I was so angry.  
“You bastard!” I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.  
“No! No! But you don’t understand!” Dipper pleaded. But I knew too much.  
“No, you fucking idiot!” I shouted. “You probably have AIDs anyway!”  
I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Dipper ran out even though he was naked. He had a really small you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire’s classroom where he was having a lesson with Grunkle Stan and some other people.  
“VAMPIRE BABCOCK, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” I yelled.  
****  
AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r ann angle!  
Everyone in the class stared at me and then Dipper came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.  
“Bayonetta, it’s not what you think!” Dipper screamed sadly.  
My friend B’loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic red hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Wendy was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Father Balder killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not whatever the hell it was on the show. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Wii U now not Playstation. )  
“What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!” Stan demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.  
“Vampire, I can’t believe you cheated on me with Dipper!” I shouted at him.  
Everyone gasped.  
I don’t know why Bayonetta was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I’m bi and so is Bayonetta) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Pacifica Northwest, a stupid angel fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with an angel.)  
“But I’m not going out with Dipper anymore!” said Vampire.  
“Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!” I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Gravity Falls Forest where I had lost my virility to Dipper and then I started to bust into tears.  
****  
AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn pled all da gayms! dis is frum da tv seris ok so itz nut my folt if mabel swers! besuizds I SED SHE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson stan dosent lik nroman now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!  
I was so mad and sad. I couldn’t believe Dipper for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Dipper.  
Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with white eyes and a nose and everything started flying towards me with peacock feathers! He had an ugly nose (basically like Father Balder in the game) and he was wearing all white and gold and it was obvious he wasn’t umbran. It was… Father Balder!  
“No!” I shouted in a scared voice but then Father Balder shouted “I’emballa!” and I couldn’t run away or I’d be burned.  
“Waddles!” I shouted at him. Waddles jumped at Father Balder and he fell and he started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I’m a sadist so I told Waddles to go away.  
“Bayonetta.” he yelled. “Thou must kill Vampire Babcock!”  
I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Dipper had said I didn’t understand, so I thought, what if Dipper went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?  
“No, Father Balder!” I shouted back.  
Father gave me a gun. “I already have this!” I said.  
“Thou must!” he yelled. “If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Dipper!”  
“How did you know?” I asked in a surprised way.  
Father Balder got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. “I hath telekinesis.” he answered cruelly. “And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Dipper!” he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his peacock wings.  
I was so scared and mad I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly Dipper came into the woods.  
“Dipper!” I said. “Hi!”  
“Hi.” he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.  
“Are you okay?” I asked.  
“No.” he answered.  
“I’m sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me.” I expelled.  
“That’s okay.” he said all depressed and we went back into Vigrid together making out.  
****  
AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b’loody mary isn’t a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd consoles ok!  
I was really scared about Ftaher Baldr all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my umbran metal band Bloody Umbran Rose 555. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. The other people in the band are B’loody Mary, Vampire, Dipper, Neil Downe (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Robbie. Only today Dipper and Vampire were depressed so they weren’t coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Dipper was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn’t die because he was an umbra witch too and the only way you can kill an umbra witch is with an A-U-D-I-T-I-O (there’s no way I’m writing that) or a steak) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I’m a slut but I’m really not.  
We were singing a cover of ‘Helena’ and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.  
“Bayonetta! Are you OK?” B’loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.  
“What the fuck do you think?” I asked angrily. And then I said. “Well, Father Balder came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Norman! But I don’t want to kill him, because, he’s really nice, even if he did go out with Dipper. But if I don’t kill Norman, then Father Balder, will fucking kill Dipper!” I burst into tears.  
Suddenly Dipper jumped out from behind a wall.  
“Why didn’t you fucking tell me!” he shouted. “How could you- you- you fucking lumen sage bitch!” (c is dat out of character?)  
I started to cry and cry. Dipper started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.  
We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Mabel walked in angrily! Her eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn’t cause she had a headache.  
“What have you done!” She started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time she wuz relly upset n u wil c y) “Bayonetta Dipper has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists.”


	2. Crapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation... OR IS IT!?

AN: i sed stup flaming up angles! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend jean 4 hleping me!  
“NO!” I screamed. I was horrorfied! B’loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. Mabel Pines chased after me shouting but she had to stop when I went into my room cause she would look like a perv that way.  
Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn’t fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Sheriff Blubs was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Edwin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their police car.  
“EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!” I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.  
“What are you doing firing a cam at civilians? This is for the FBI to do!” he yelled at Blubs and Edwin pointing his womb. I took my gun and shot Blubs and Edwin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Mabel Pines ran in. “Bayonetta, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” she shouted looking at Blubs and Edwin and then she threw Waddles at them and suddenly…  
Robbie ran outside on his bike and said everyone we need to talk.  
“What do you know, Robbie? You’re just a little Gravity Falls student!”  
“I MAY BE A GRAVTY FALLS STUDENT….” Robbiie paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”  
“This cannot be.” Blubs said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Waddles had licked him. “There must be other factors.”  
“YOU DON’T HAVE ANY!” I yelled in madly.  
Edwin held up the camera triumelephantly. “The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!”  
I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.  
“Why are you doing this?” Edwin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.  
And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to sic demons on him and send him to Inferno because I felt faint.  
“BECAUSE…BECAUSE….” Robbie said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his iPod in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a punk version of Fly Me To The Moon.  
“Because you’re umbra?” Blubs asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Queen Sheeba.  
“Because I LOVE HER!”  
***  
AN: stop f,aing ok robbie isnt a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I didnt wunt 2 adres da ishu! how du u no stan iant kristian plus rob isn’t really in luv wif ebony dat was lil gideon ok!  
I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Diver had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.  
“NO!” I THOUGHT IT WAS ROBbie but it was Vampire. He started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO! MY NONEXISTENT SCAR HURTS!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.  
I stopped. “How did u know?”  
“I saw it! And my scar turned into z lightning bolt!”  
“NO!” I ran up closer. “I thought you didn’t have a scar!” I shouted.  
“I don’t but Diabolo drew one with crayons for me and I always cover it up with foundation.” he said back. “Anyway my scar hurt and it turned into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Dipper….Father Balder has him bondage!”  
Anyway I was in the school nurse’s office now recovering from my slit wrists. Blubs and Edwin and ROHBI were there too. They were going to NAMBLA headquarters after they recovered cause they weren’t pedofiles and you have to have those fucking pervs working in a town with lots of hot boyz. Mabel had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them.  
Anyway Robbie came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.  
“Baynoetta I need to tell u somethnig.” he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.  
“Fuck off.” I told him. “You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don’t like fucked up angels like you.” I snapped. Robbie had been mean to me before for being umbran.  
“No Bayoneatta.” Robbie says. “Those are not roses.”  
“What, are they witches too you lumen sage?” I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.  
“I saved your life!” He yelled angrily. “No you didn’t I replied.” “You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Blubs and Edwin.” Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently.  
“Whatever!” I yelled angirly.  
He pointed his iPod at the pink roses. “These aren’t roses.” He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that’s all you haD TO SAY! .  
“That’s not a spell that’s an MCR song.” I corrected him wisely.  
“I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes.” Then he screamed. “Wello whoo wantsu ae lambae lambae lambae(4 all u cool umbran gravity falls fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for jean I love you girl!)Souo goi upo andae greeteu youro mammu mammu mammu!”  
And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn’t an angel.  
“OK I believe you now wtf is Dipper?”  
Robbie rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.  
“U c, Bayooneta,” Mobel said, watching the two of us watching the flame. “2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?”  
“I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN LITTLE GIRL!” Robbie yelled. MAAbEl lookd shockd. I guess she didn’t have a headache or else she would have said something back.  
Robbie stormed off back into his bed. “U r a liar, little gurl Mbel pins!”  
Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don’t know who she iz ur an angel so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss.  
“You look kawai, girl.” B’loody Mary said sadly. “Fangs (geddit) you do too.” I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Blubs and Ewdin couldn’t spy on me this time. I went to some shops. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. He looked all depressed because Dipper had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Dipper. He was sucking some blood from Mc Gucket.  
“Hi.” he said in a depressed way. “Hi back.” I said in an wquallysaid way.  
We both looked at each other for some time. Norman had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dippers. Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.  
“STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!” shouted Soos who was watching us and so was everyone else.  
“Vampire you fucker!” I said slapping him. “Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Dipper!” I shouted and then I ran away angrily.  
Just then he started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.  
“NO!” I ran up closer.  
“I thought you didn’t have a scar!” I shouted.  
“I don’t but Diabolo drew a pentagram shaped one with crayons for me and I always cover it up with foundation.” he said back. “Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Dipper….Fafer Baldr has him bondage!”  
SPECIAL FANGZ 2 JANNE MY UMBRAN BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111  
HEY Jean DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I  
****  
AN: jeane fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! ANGLES STOP FLAMIGNG!  
Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Mabel. We were so scared.  
“Mabel Babel!” we both yelled. Mabel came there.  
“What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?” she asked angrily.  
“Faser Blader has Dipper!” we shouted at the same time.  
She laughed in an evil voice.  
“No! Don’t! We need to save Dipper!” we begged.  
“No.” she said meanly. “I don’t give a darn what Father Balder does to Dipper. Not after how much he misbehaved in Vigrid especially with YOU Bayonetta.” she said while he frowned looking at me. “Besides I never liked him that much anyway.” then she walked away. Vampire started crying. “My Dipper!” he moaned. (AN: don’t u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!)  
“Its okay!” I tried to tell him but that didn’t stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm. “I had an idea!” he exclaimed.  
“What?” I asked him.  
“You’ll see.” he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then… suddenly we were in Fafther Balder’s lair!  
We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. “Go to Helios!”  
It was….. Father Balder!  
****  
AN: fuk off ANGLES ok! Jeanne fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 purgatorio kuz I slit muh rists. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!  
WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.  
We ran to where Fathcer Baldr was. It turned out that Flader Balda wasn’t there. Instead the fat guy who obsessed over Mabel was. Dipper was there crying tears of blood. Lil Gideon was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Lil Gideon.  
“Rid my sight you despicable angels!” he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. “.” he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a cake-eater ok)  
“Huh?” I asked.  
“Baynoetta I love you will you have sex with me?” asked Lil Gideon. I started laughing crudely. “What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard.” I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.  
“Nooooooooooooo!” he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly.  
“Lil Gideon what art thou doing?” called Father Balder. Then… he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. So we got on our missiles and we flew to Vigrid. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.  
“What’s wrong honey?” asked Dipper taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really small you-know-what and everything.  
“Its so unfair!” I yielded. “Why can’t I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and angels here except for B’loody Mary, because she’s not ugly or anything.”  
“Why would you wanna be ugly? I don’t like the angels anyway. They are such fucking sluts.” answered Dipper.  
“Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Blubs and Edwin took a video of me naked. Robbie says he’s in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Lil Gideon is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Dipper! Why couldn’t Queen Sheeba have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily. (an” don’t wory bayonaetta isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) “Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE!” I shouted and then I ran away.


End file.
